Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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