Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
