You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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