is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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