It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
