Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
where does the pee come out of this thing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
