Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
