Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
