No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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