Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
