Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
