i think my mom watched the whole time
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
