My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
