Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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