she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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