she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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