Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
