Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
