How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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