you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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