1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
