Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
