his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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