shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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