I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
