It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
