hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
