It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
