it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize