that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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