Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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