Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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