I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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