yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
