If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
