just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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