He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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