he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize