While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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