There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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