Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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