I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
