Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
