he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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