i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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