Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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