People in love make me want to vomit
Welp...herpes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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