the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
