We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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