She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
