I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
