May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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