what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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