i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
