I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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