This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
