am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
